THE LAND OF FARTEN-BURRRPEN
Once upon a time, not so long ago, actually very much in the near past and in the nearly future, there lived two people quite close to each other. So close, as a matter of fact, that they could SMELL each other. They were Mr FartenFurter and Ms Burrrpen-Moily.
Now Mr Fartenfurter was a thin kind of chap with a Ginormous Rear that was his eternal embarrassment and also his Pride and Joy. Because, you see, this Ginormous Appendage made him Totally Unique in a land not known for unique people. In a land full of mediocre personages who did their best to stay as far away from him as they possibly could. With the result that he was Quite Lonely.
Mr Fartenfurter was quite scrupulous in his comportment. He was neat, well dressed and walked with a heavy, thoughtful tread. Which meant that his Feet, which were rather large, took time to land on the ground, because each Foot had to THINK where it was going next. And sometimes, this led to him to go in Different Directions at the same time. Which was a Great Inconvenience.
Mr FartenFurter was a young man of about thirty leaf seasons. He had seen them all. Green leaves, yellow leaves, brown leaves, no leaves. He knew them intimately. His main problem, as he saw it, was that with his large Rear Appendage (and large Feet to match), he had no friends. The only companions he had, were his Rear and his two Feet. Let’s call them Fart’n’Fart, and Foot and Foot-Foot, shall we?
So, in his loneliness, Mr FartenFurter and Fart’n’Fart had many a lonely conversation. They discussed everything under the sun. They even Sang Songs – duets, solos… Name them, they sang them in a Lonely Chorus.
But this was not enough. Mr FartenFurter needed more.
So one day he decided to go a-Walking. He talked to Foot and Foot-Foot (with Fart’n’Fart putting in his two bits worth) and together they agreed to go to the nearby Land of Whooooops! to see if there wasn’t, perhaps, a Maiden who might agree to spend Time with them.
And so, after much discussion, off they went to The Land of Whooooops!
After many an adventure which I will save for another time, they reached that there Land of Whooooops! There they were surprised to find a populace of Open Mouthed People living in a Gusty Environment. The Motto of the City was “GUSTY IS AS GUSTY DOES”. Mr FartenFurter, his two Feet and his eternal companion, Fart’n’Fart could not understand why a City would have such a Motto. They were Be-Wildered.
However, they soon came to know the reason for both the name of the City, The Land of Whooooops! and the Motto, “GUSTY IS AS GUSTY DOES”. For Lo and Behold! This was a land where everybody made Gushing Whooping air noises with their Mouths, much as Mr FartenFurter did with his Rear!
Now I’ll leave you here, with the three-on-one companions Awed, Amazed and Aghast at their luck in finding the Land of Whooooops!
Chapter Two coming soon…..